What Webb really said

Here's the official line: “I’ve looked at it again and I think it was a mistake but we make these decisions honestly,” Webb conceded. “It’s not always easy to see the way the play pans out from pitch level. I could see the Manchester United player touch the ball and saw him get clattered by the goalkeeper but didn’t see the extra deviation from the goalkeeper’s fingers touching the ball. I’m disappointed as I always strive for perfection. I’ll look at the tape in detail later in the week and try to avoid it happening again in the future. I never want to have a negative impact on a game and I get no pleasure from not reaching the high standards we set ourselves. But show me a man who’s never made a mistake and I’ll show you a man who’s done nothing.”

And here's what he really meant: "I've looked at it again and I think the shine of my ludicrously bald pate does flash a bit too brightly in a certain light," Webb conceded. "It's hard to tone it down for the cameras. I could see Carrick flinch when he saw Neville's hideous reflection just above my right ear, but didn't notice that Neville had tried on the merest of eyeshadows to gussy up his appalling visage. I'm disappointed that I didn't sand down my scalp to a muted matte. I'll take yet another good look in the mirror at myself this evening to because I like mirrors reflecting mirrors into infinity. I can't help blowing calls when I adore blowing whistles. Show me a man who's never carressed my fine hairless head and I'll show you a man who doesn't appreciate my narcissistic sexual innuendo. Passionately yours, Howie."